My First Reiki Cleansing…

Photo by Lesly Juarez on Unsplash

I decided to make my journey to Awaken2Spirit in Davenport, IA for an 80-minute reiki cleansing because I felt as if a force was guiding me to seek help. Recently, I have been under a lot of mental strain and I have felt an intense amount of negative energy surrounding my mind, body, and my soul. This is my experience.

Before the Process

As I communicated with the lovely reiki healer about what was going on in my life, she opened my mind to interpret reality in a different way than what I was currently doing. I told her of my recent heartbreak and the pain that it had caused me to feel deep within my chest. I told her of the intense anxiety that I had been feeling, both from the heartbreak and the drastic change of living arrangements I was experiencing. I told her of the anxiety-driven panic attacks that I was experiencing that would start off as a pain in my chest and turn into a harsh cry followed by the frightening moments of hyperventilation and body tingling. I told her how I felt lonely in this world at times and that I find myself constantly overthinking about everything that occurs in my life—only causing myself more anxiety. The one thing that I was initially surprised about was the level of comfort I felt around her from the moment I met her. I felt the freedom to tell her my rawest emotions without any second thoughts. I know, and I know she knows, that she was meant to be a healer. Her energy was calming, and I felt as if I had known her for my entire life. After I told her of my current troubles, she began to teach me a new way of thinking.

Starting with the break-up, she looked me in the eye and told me that, “sometimes when you get the things you want, you have to lose them because they aren’t what you need,” and that is a thought that truly opened my eyes. She went on to tell me how there is no such thing as a loss, only a lesson. This is ironic because a very wise friend that I have stands by that mentality firmly and has told me that several times. As she told me that and as I reflected on the words of my wise friend, I began to think about the relationship and the way it ended and what lessons could have possibly arose from the entire situation. I reached a point where I finally saw the lesson that was meant to be learned. I will not go into the private details of the relationship, but if there is one thing that I gained and learned is that one should always: trust their intuition. This is something I struggle with because I tend to make decisions based on the frequently unstable emotions that I experience, rather than the deep feelings in the innermost parts of my mind that I actively choose to ignore because most of the time it is a harsh truth that I refuse to accept, even though in the end it is what my soul needs to thrive. Hearing these words of advice from my friend and then from the reiki healer has pushed my mind to decide to live by that mentality.

As for moving to a new city and coping with the stress of building a new life, she told me to look towards the supreme beings that guard my soul and ask them for help at times. By this, she does not just mean pray to religious beings; by this, she also meant to ask the angels and archangels that surround us all to look over my soul and help myself find the right direction. She told me to dig deep within my soul and to find my voice and to discover my true self and then to embrace that true self regardless of what those around me have to say. I internalized her words and I made a promise to myself that I am going to put my all into myself because I am worth it.

She ended the conversation by communicating with me methods that I can use outside of reiki healing to keep my energies (or chakras) opened and aligned. She spoke on meditation, the usage of crystals, essential oils, and yoga. Although I did have some prior knowledge of a variety of the mentioned methods, she only deepened my knowledge and expanded my mind further. At the conclusion of our conversation, she smudged my entire being with sage and led me into her room that is free of all negative energy.

During

Now, I will not tell of the methods that she used, as my eyes were covered and my mind was not focused on her movements; rather, I will tell what I felt. Please note that what I feel may not be what you will feel, and you should approach every type of cleansing with an open mind and no expectations. This is merely my sharing of my personal experience.

At first, as I was doing some deep breathing, I felt my body relax and I felt my mind quiet. As she continued her process, I began to feel nothing at all. I had been holding crystals in the palms of both of my closed hands, but I recognized that I could neither feel myself holding them anymore nor feel the tension of my closed hand. I would have to say that I felt paralyzed. I could not feel the blanket that was covering my feet and I could not feel the cloth that was covering my eyes. This was not an alarming feeling of numbness—it was completely calming. I felt at ease. Nothing mattered. Everything was okay. I simply accepted the feeling and allowed myself to continue feeling it.

I felt like this for most of the healing session. However, when she placed the crystal, citrine, on my solar plexus (which is the chakra near the abdominal area) I felt a throbbing sensation. It was not painful, but I noticed it as soon as she placed the charged crystal on that area. That is the only place I felt anything during the healing session. I can say that at times I felt a sort of forceful energy near my chest, head and throat area, where the heart, third eye, and throat chakra lie. As the session ended, she had me open my eyes and I felt a variety of different things upon being released.

After

As I opened my eyes, I felt very tired and quite exhausted. My body still felt slightly numb, but it was almost as if I was slowly inching myself back to my physical body as I started to feel things again at a very slow rate. She began to tell me how she could see that all my chakras were completely closed off and that she noticed a large amount of unnecessary energy surrounding my heart, chest, and third eye chakras. I found this to be interesting because it was those regions where I felt tension and then a release of tension during the healing process. One part of this entire process that I enjoyed the most was the way that she maintained her calm energy and made eye contact with me. She was looking right into my soul and I could feel our soul’s energy intertwining. I did feel some emotions rush out of me afterward, a few tears did appear in my eyes, but I told myself in my head that “I do hurt, but I no longer have to hurt. I am done hurting. I am strong. What happened, happened.” I felt those emotions slowly dwindle away before they had the chance to attack my newly uncovered energy.

As I left her place, I felt better. I recognized that I noticed more sounds around me and that I was seeing things rather than just looking at them, which is due to my pineal gland being activated during my meditative state. I was also tired, but I cannot clearly articulate the feeling I felt and still feel because it is so deep within my soul. The best way I can put it is that I felt and still feel—grounded.  

I truly recommend this experience to everyone. If you are in the Eastern Iowa area, pay www.Awaken2Spirit.com a visit. Or, do some research on a reiki healer near you. Your mind, body, and soul will thank you.

I wish you all moments of love, happiness, joy, and bliss. Stay positive. Xx

“I know it seems hard sometimes, but remember one thing. Through every dark night, there’s a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it get, stick your chest out, keep ya head up…. and handle it.”

Tupac Shakur

A few philosophies I live by…

If there is one thing about myself that I am most proud of, it would be my ethnicity. Many people preach on how people should “not see color,” but to me, that is a load of bullshit. I hold the belief that people should see color and appreciate it. Recognize the cultural differences that we all have with each other and love them.

Educate yourself, surround yourself with those different from you, and before you know it, those differences will seem so minimal compared to the similarities that exist. I would say that my ethnic background has been the cause of instances of discrimination in my life, but it is not my ethnicity that caused the discrimination, it is society. Never feel that it is your fault for the terrible and horrendous things that others can do to you. No one deserves the pain that they receive.

The first instance of racism that I remember experiencing was when I was in the fourth grade, about eight or nine years old. I had gotten in an argument with an old friend, and that friend had called me the “n-word.” Now, as a young child, I had no idea what that word meant, and I went about my day. I came home and told my mother of the argument and the exchange of words and she was livid. It was that day that I was told what a racial slur was and why people use them. It was that day that I was made aware of racism. Since then there have been countless moments where I have recognized that I was being discriminated against. Whether it was girls on track teams crediting my speed to my blackness or dirty looks getting shown my way as my interracial family and I dine for dinner at a nice restaurant, I felt the hate the same way and it never hurts any less.

The thing about experiencing the microaggressions, slurs, and other hateful comments and actions, is that you must reach a point of acceptance that not everyone will like you for whatever reason and that is okay. You could argue with every person who is hateful towards you, or you could simply accept that that person has their opinion, show them love, and move on with life. Moving on with life and moving past the harsh words of others is the only way to survive. Sometimes it may seem impossible to release the negativity from others that you have internalized within yourself, but it is always possible to grow, and it is always possible to heal your soul.

I remember one day in an Intercultural Communications class I took when I was at DePaul, a very wise professor once told us that the worst lesson taught to most as children is that “sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you.” My professor was right. If there is one thing that I have learned throughout my life is that most of the time, words do more damage than sticks and stones ever could. Physical wounds are mostly visible and can usually be healed and cured, but emotional wounds? Emotional wounds grow every single day and hide themselves in toxic behaviors and are much harder to heal. I know it seems basic to say we should all “treat everyone with kindness,” but if it is such a basic thought, then why the hell are things the way they are? Yes, sometimes words get said during arguments that we do not necessarily mean, but then apologize for the words that you have said and be sure that it is a sincere apology that comes from your soul.

There is too little time in our lives to hate others and to hurt others—just love everyone. The idea that love can only be romantic is agonizing. Love can be whatever we want it to be. Make it your goal to show everyone love, even those who do you wrong, because those are the ones that need to be shown love the most. Another wise professor that I currently have at Palmer College of Chiropractic told my class that, “an enemy is just a friend whose story you don’t know.” This is also something that I believe very deeply within my soul. People like to think that they have others figured out, but we don’t even have ourselves figured out. People like to talk about how they “hate” certain television stars and artists, yet what do we really know about them? Hate is such a dirty and painful word, but it is used so loosely.

The next time you find yourself getting angered with someone that you do not know, take a deep breath and remind yourself that they have things going on in their life that you do not know and empathize with them—never pity them. Pity is ridiculous. Feeling bad for someone is pointless. You sit there with a sorry look on your face and watch them as they continue to struggle. But when you feel empathy and become an empathetic person you recognize their struggle, imagine if you were to be in that struggle, and then act on that feeling you get from imagining.

Regardless of any demographic quality you have, I know that you have experienced pain and hate from someone. Everyone does. You know how bad pain hurts and how it feels to hurt. That feeling deep in your chest that you get when you think of that painful event or when you think of the words that were said to you, do not forget it. Remember that feeling and every time you think about treating another person less than what you would like to be treated, think about that pain you felt and realize that you are about to make another person feel that way. Once you become that person that makes another person hurt, you become no more than the person that hurt you. Be the lover, not the hater. Spread love. Xx

“Lions don’t lose sleep over the opinions of sheep.”

Flatbush Zombies “Palm Trees”

First things first…

A lot of people think that I have my life together. I am in school. I have my own apartment. My bills get paid on time. But in all reality, I am lost as hell. Over the summer I had my first boyfriend, got dumped by my first boyfriend, moved to a new city alone, and started chiropractic school all within the time span of two months.

Moving to a new city to a studio apartment and living by yourself for the first time is very scary. Then when you add the emotional turmoil caused by your first boyfriend leaving you a week after you move-in—I guess you could say I was and still am—a mess. What can also be said is that all of these events occurring at once has been a humbling experience and has only made me stronger. For quite some time I focused on all of the bad things going on in my life. I was dumped. Most of my friends were all back in my hometown. My family was spread across the country. My pets were at my childhood home. My new classes were difficult. And perhaps the thing that I thought was the worst: for the first time in nineteen years, I felt absolutely alone.

This negative outlook on life caused my mental health to spiral. I began having panic attacks to the point where my body would tingle. I would wake up in the mornings and make panicked calls to my best friend, Ava because I couldn’t stop crying. I would lock myself in my apartment after classes in complete darkness and lie down until I would fall asleep. I would force laughter when I was around my friends, both new and old. I even considered getting back on my old antidepressants because I could feel myself losing myself. I was not Lindsey anymore. I could say that for the second time in my life, I was at an all-time low. Rock bottom. I knew I had two options: continue to suffer or fight like hell to regain the parts of myself that I had lost. To be honest, I did consider the former for a split second because being sad seems easier than working to be happy. But then I reminded myself how much easier it is to be happy, once you reach happiness than it ever was to be sad. I chose to fight like hell.

I started by cutting off contact with my ex-boyfriend and a close friend that we share. I pierced my nose, nipples, and dyed my hair. I scheduled an 80-minute reiki cleansing session to cleanse my entire being of the negative energy that is deeply entwined in my soul. And I started to focus on the good. I had the chance to have a fresh start. I have some of the best friends I could ask for. I am enrolled in the school of my dreams. But more importantly, I am alive, and being alive is without a doubt the greatest gift anyone could ever have–because without life, you can’t be sure of what you would or wouldn’t have. Cherish and appreciate life because I can guarantee you that someone somewhere would do just about anything to give someone that they have lost just an few extra minutes of life.

Right now, my main priority is myself, and I have come to realize that that is an amazing perk of being single. I have the time and space to do whatever the hell I want, which is just another perk of being on your own. Well, actually, whenever I tell myself that I am alone I remember a conversation I had with my brother a few months back. I was 18 and had just moved into my dorm in Chicago at DePaul University and I had a similar, but less severe, feeling of loneliness. My brother had told me that although I may be physically alone, I am never alone in all actuality. He told me that I will always have him, my parents, my sister, my true friends, and all of my extended family. This is something that, in my current situation, I have allowed to drift from my mainstream of consciousness. But as I make my journey back to happiness, it is something that I will remind myself of every single day. I know I may be lost right now. I know I still get flashes of sadness when a memory of my ex crosses my mind. But, whenever I feel this way, I tell myself something that another good friend of mine, Yuliana tells me all the time, “It’s okay to not be okay.” That is perhaps one of the most important things that one can tell themselves. I tend to let myself feel defeated when I feel sadness; but, then I remind myself that I am not defeated, I am just human.

There is nothing wrong with feeling pain, sadness, anger, or frustration. Feeling emotions and expressing emotions is completely normal and actually healthier than keeping them bottled up inside. I know that this will not be an easy journey, but nothing worth having comes easy. And I am so fucking worth it. Keep pushing forward. Xx

“Relearn your knowledge, we change and alter the stream of water. The game, don’t be another machine.”

“System” by Clockwork Indigo (Flatbush Zombies & The Underachievers)